loader image

Journey from the heart (II)

March 22, 2020

Since last Sunday, the 15th when I wrote my first stage of the trip, I did not imagine that today Sunday was going to be a week as dense as the one we have had to live.

And before it was over, spring came, the day of poetry, the day to remember that life prevails and crosses the hard and stony ground, a time to lengthen our gaze and believe that the seed needs the darkness of the furrow to give us flowers and leaves. of color and that the time will come to celebrate it as it deserves.

Staying home was assimilating little by little every day, the routine was imposing because the road is long. The outer house is organized, the times too, but the heart begins to feel sadness, alternating with hope, joy with pain, known and unknown people who become infected and die, others heal and thicken the difficult list of discharges.

Perhaps the strongest sensation this week has been the unstoppable growth and at a truly rapid rate, of contagion in so many parts of the planet. Truly one feels very insignificant on the one hand and at the same time life itself reaches cosmic dimensions, creature of the world, part of that planet – that common house – and experiences, as never before, that nothing that happens in the world is to me alien.

It is more than the world has entered our houses and we are already inseparable. That cosmic creature consciousness, even if it sounds like a paradox, is the image that best defines what I live. But I get news of people leaving, known and not, with the immense pain for those of us who remain, of not being able to say goodbye; It is a double duel difficult to maintain.

My days and moments alternate: peace, restlessness, confidence, uncertainty, hope, fear … The absence and remoteness of families, friends, co-workers, sisters of community, the non-exit to the street, the small space where to move, is listen to the silence, sometimes grateful but at other times it acquires a density that weighs.

And we are incorporating daily routines – which we are advised to stay as long as we need – so that we can live this time with full awareness and not let it absorb us without taking the helm of it. Difficult for those who have to combine attention to their own family with work commitment that they cannot abandon either.

And we are providing relief in a creative way and above all in solidarity, leaving ourselves to think about how the other is and the other: we send messages, help for reflection, to pray, to live all this with meaning even without almost understanding nothing; I also experience that a necessary routine is to dose out the overwhelming information we receive; all with an immense will to help, but we can also suffocate; knowing how to choose what helps us the most and also being able to place it in the daily “chrono” following the “kairós”.

We are having meetings with few or many people, with our coworkers and we see and look at each other and smile through the screen that, in the midst of everything, brings us closer and confirms that we are still strong and mysteriously united.

We receive news from the wide religious family spread throughout the world that comfort us and help us to remain as peaceful as possible. We incorporate the Eucharist, moments of prayer, meetings inside the house, always with a universal conscience.

And we have also incorporated an exciting routine: every evening we join the country that has become a grateful balcony towards our servants – healthcare and many others – who support our society, and we offer with each neighborhood our warm applause.

And I continue my journey without leaving home, giving word to this time and sharing my experiences in case they help other people. I keep learning, drawing lessons from this stage never imagined but real; with faith and hope in the God of history who walks beside us but who in moments of weakness leads us to ask ourselves: “where are you? Have you abandoned us? ”

And we hear in our hearts a word that comforts and encourages: “Do not fear, I am with you”; “Look around you, throughout the world there is a lot of generous and anonymous giving, a solidarity is awakened that crosses borders and brings out the best in every human being; there is a continuous search to help us… there I am, in life and in death, supporting and comforting, open your eyes wide, you will see how you discover how and where you do not imagine ”.

And we continue at home, renewing our commitment to take care of ourselves to take care of ourselves; to keep us in common-union. One more week that we sincerely hope will bring relief to our wounded world. And meanwhile we don’t stop smiling, that our face doesn’t harden because we need each other kind and hopeful. 

María Luisa Berzosa fi

Entrevías –  Madrid